Of Socks and Stunning Spells
by StringynKel
Summary: VOldemort made Bellatrix do Wormtail's laundry one too many times...


Bellatrix Lestrange had HAD it! She was one of the Dark Lord's most infamous followers, and yet, here she was, doing one of the most humiliating tasks in the world. Worse than monitoring rat population in their lair, worse than spying on a Squib! She screamed in rage as she sprayed bleach on Wormtail's favorite shirt and tossed it into the washing machine. Thankfully, that was the last one. She pressed a random button and walked away, not caring about what the button would do. Being a magical washing machine, it snickered evilly. Bella glared at it, and it promptly shut up.

Two floors up and one room to the right, Lucius, too, was having a Wormtail-related problem.

"What were you thinking, Peter?" he growled, tugging on the man's shoulders.

"I accidentally dropped my wand in the toilet, and I needed to get it out!" Wormtail tried to say, but since his head was under water, it sounded more like, "Glirbagebbaglubglubglub."

Lucius rolled his eyes and, with a flick of his wand, freed Wormtail's head from the toilet.

"Thank you!" Wormtail squealed happily.

"Don't mention it. To ANYONE!" Lucius stated threateningly. He walked out the door, and, with a flick of his cloak, disappeared.

Bellatrix stormed into the room and collapsed in a chair with a loud HUMPH! She screamed into a pillow, completely unaware that someone else had entered the room. Lucius, however, noticed his companion, as she was shrieking into some very fine upholstery.

"Bella?" He asked hesitantly. When she showed no sing of hearing him, he shouted, "BELLA!" She looked up at him, and he said, "What are you doing?"

"Venting frustration," she replied.

"What happened?" Lucius inquired, sitting down.

"I was forced to do the most humiliating job in existence!" she ranted.

"Dark Lord make you do Pettigrew's laundry again?" Lucius guessed, examining is nails.

"Actually, yes. How did you know?" Bellatrix revealed, amazed at the man's powers of deduction.

"It's Wormtail, Bella, everyone has to do things for him," Lucius said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Why, just this morning, I had to dislodge his head from the toilet. And besides, you have a sock on your shoulder."

"EUGH!" Bella shrieked, swiping the sock off her shoulder and into Lucius' face. "Wait, what was Peter's head doing in the toilet?"

"Long story," Lucius said, spitting the sock out of his mouth.

"UGH!" Bella groaned loudly. "We have got to do something about this!"

"What could we do, Bella?" Lucius inquired.

"Well, we could… dispose of him," Bella said evilly.

"But the Dark Lord! What will He think?" Lucius said, appalled.

"Will He really miss the sniveling little rat?" Bella asked. Lucius had to admit that she had a point there. They sat down on the couch together and began plotting.

Just outside the door, Macnair smiled evilly. This could be the chance to get back at Lucius for that prank he pulled in their second year. He ran to tip off Wormtail, pausing for only a moment to ponder why his head would be in the toilet. Ah, well, he'd ask Wormtail when he got there.

"Long story," Wormtail muttered when Macnair asked him about the toilet situation.

"That's what they all say," Macnair said. "What really happened?"

"I'll tell you when you tell me why you're here," Wormtail said.

Macnair sighed and began, "I was outside the parlor, and I overheard Bellatrix and Lucius plotting something. I listened a little while longer and found out that they are plotting to… dispose of you."

Wormtail gasped loudly and began sobbing. "W-w-why would a-anyone want to do t-t-that?" he wailed.

"I haven't the slightest idea," Macnair said sarcastically.

It was set. Bellatrix would convince Wormtail to come with her into the parlor to talk about… something, and Lucius would call the trash disposal company and tell them to wait outside. Bellatrix would stun Wormtail and bring him to the dumpster, and no one would see or hear from him again. Little did they know that Wormtail and Macnair had cooked up a similar scheme, but using a toxic waste disposal company.

"Oh, Peter," Bella called, "will you come with me into the parlor? I have some ideas to discuss with you about the Dark Lord's plans."

"Bella," Peter said jovially, "I was just meaning to talk to you!" Both of them were thinking, this is going to be easier than I thought.

Lucius dialed the number. Again, and again, and again. The line was either busy, or he had forgotten to press 666 before dialing. For some reason, you had to do that when you wanted to dial a number from the Dark Lord's headquarters. He dialed again, 666-1800-TRASH-NCO. The line was busy, which was odd, seeing as it was midnight. But then again, they did share a line with one of the only toxic waste disposal companies in Europe. Perhaps there was a nuclear explosion somewhere. Eventually he just gave up and summoned them there magically.

Macnair laughed gleefully. His plan was working. The toxic waste people would be here any minute. He wondered vaguely how Wormtail was doing, and hoped that he had remembered to memorize the carefully written and easy-to-read script he was given.

Bella and Wormtail sat on the couch, each pretending to talk pleasantly. Then, they both heard the sound of approaching automobiles. Each stood up and dove for his or her wand. They each prepared to stun the other.

Voldemort hummed a gloomy tune as he made his way to the parlor that Narcissa told him Bella was. He so wanted to talk to her about his latest plan. Her insight was so helpful.

Lucius and Macnair both went out to meet their respective disposal teams. Neither of them were paying attention to where they were headed, and ran right into each other.

"OUCH!" Lucius cried, as he hit the ground.

"Watch where you're going, you imbecile!" Macnair shouted angrily as he fell on his back.

They each stood up quickly and ran to meet their disposal teams.

Bella and Wormtail each aimed at each other and shouted, "STUPEFY!" Their spells collided and deflected, beaming all around the room. At that exact moment, Voldemort entered. A beam of the spell hit him between the eyes, and he fell backwards, stunned.

"Uh, Bellatrix," Wormtail whispered, "What do we do?"

"Easy, you imbecile, we run!" And with that, Bellatrix took off towards the lot where she knew Lucius would be.

Narcissa heard shouting in the parlor and went to investigate. She ran straight into Bellatrix on the way.

"What is going on?" Narcissa inquired.

"N-nothing, Wormtail stunned the Dark Lord is all, got to go or I'll be slaughtered when he wakes up!" Bella kept running. Narcissa's eyes widened, and she ran to the aid of the Dark Lord.

Voldemort blinked and opened his eyes. He couldn't believe that two of his own followers had the nerve to stun him!

"Wormtail," he said dangerously, "you have about fifteen seconds to fully explain yourself, lest I completely lose my already short temper and torture you into madness."

"Uh, well, you see milord," Wormtail began, "M-macnair heard Bella and Lucius plotting to- and then we decided to call the toxic waste company, then I had to stun- but you came in, and- IT'S ALL BELLA'S FAULT!"

"Bella!" Voldemort shouted. He growled dangerously and stormed off towards the lot.

Bella ran to Lucius, screaming something about the Dark Lord, doom, Stunning spells, and socks. He was about to ask her about this, when a very livid-looking Dark Lord came storming over to them.

"Bella," he said, his wand pointing at her throat, "explain."

"It all started when you made me do Wormtail's laundry. I was upset about it, and I ran into Lucius, who had just dislodged Wormtail's head from the toilet. We plotted to have him put in a garbage dump, but when I was about to stun Wormtail, he stunned me. Our spells ricocheted off each other, and a beam must have hit you," Bella explained.

"Lucius, Macnair, is this true?" Voldemort inquired. They both nodded. "You realize what this means, don't you?" All three gulped loudly.

"I hate Wormtail," Macnair grumbled.

"As do I," Lucius stated.

"If I have to touch another one of his stinking socks, I swear I will kill him," Bellatrix fumed. Voldemort stared at his ingenious punishment. He turned and walked towards his room, wondering what Wormtail's head was ever doing in the toilet.


End file.
